Based on the most recent news post, it looks like the purge isn't going to affect most RP journals after all (the latest says journals will only be considered inactive if they haven't been logged into for 24 months AND have only one post). This journal has more than one post, hence it should be safe. But better safe than sorry, right?

So there. Not inactive anymore.

If you could buy a magic potion, what would it be?

I bet a lot of people would want a potion that makes them rich. Most of the people I know would say that. I think it's kind of natural to want more money than you already have, but that's not what I'd want. I'm happy with what I've got, and I don't think it's fair to get money without doing anything to earn it. Like when that soda company sent me $5000 for finding a thumb in my can. How crazy is that? They should have been giving that money to the poor guy that's walking around with only one thumb now. He deserved it way more than I did!

But anyway, if I could buy a magic potion, I think I'd want something fun. You know, something that would do something silly or goofy, like make me super tall or really shot, like Alice in Wonderland. Or maybe a potion that would make me a man for a few hours. That could be interesting. I wouldn't want to stay that way, but I've always wondered what it was like to be a guy. Joey makes it seem like such fun.

Mad

It takes a lot to make me mad. Well, really mad. I get ticked off as easily as anyone else, but I usually get over it pretty quickly. But when someone makes me really mad? I can hold a grudge like no one's business. I'm not proud of it, but that's just how I am. I haven't figured out how to fix it.

Like there was this one time? I woke up and I was really pissed off at Ross. I couldn't remember why, but I knew he'd done something awful to me and there was no way I was going to forgive him for it. Even though I didn't know what it was, I knew how I felt, and that was enough. I was so furious with him, it was like all I had to do was hear his name and I started seeing red. It was crazy. And it didn't help that he kept hounding me with all his stupid questions, asking me what he'd done. Like he didn't know!

Well, okay, it turned out he didn't know. I was mad at him because he called me boring, but it had happened in a dream. I think. There's always the chance that we really did play chess on that frozen lake, and he's blocking it out. I mean, if it really happened, it's not like he'd be that eager to admit that he's really Cameron Diaz under that energy mask, right? So I don't know, sometimes I wonder if he was only pretending not to know what I was talking about. If any of my friends were going to call me boring, it would be him. He's just mean that way.

Write about a lie your parents told you.

What did my parents lie about? Um, gee, let me think... how about everything!

Lie #1 (also known as The Big One): That my mom was my mom. Lily wasn't my mother, she was just the woman that raised me. My real mother, Phoebe, was off living in Montauk all my life and I didn't find her until a few years ago. I guess she couldn't handle me and Ursula, so she passed us off to Lily and Frank to raise, but no one ever thought we should know that.

Lie #2: That my dad left us to go be a big-shot tree surgeon in Burma. I guess that was more my grandmother's lie, but she's still family, so I think it counts. All the pictures she had of him were just some picture frame model guy. My real dad was a pharmasict upstate, and he had a whole other family of his own. Which he also left. So, basically, he was a loser. But I still deserved to know!

Lie #3: My age. All my life I thought I was one age, only to find out at 30 I was really a year older. So, 31.

Lie #4: More a lie of omission, but I've never known my middle name. Ursula sold my birth certificate and couldn't remember what it was, and Mom never told me.

Lies #5, 6, 7, 8...: Every time my mom told us she'd kicked the drugs and would straighten up and be a good mother again. Or that she was going to get help for her depression. Since she stuck her head in an oven on Christmas one year, I'm thiking she never got that help.

Don't get me wrong, my childhood wasn't always awful. In some ways, she was a good mother. And some of her boyfriends and husbands were good fathers. Some weren't, but that's how it goes sometimes. We did the best we could, and we knew she loved us. And now, knowing that she wasn't even our mother biologically, I think that means even more. We weren't really hers, but she loved us like we were, even with all the problems she had.

It would have been nice to know about our real mom sooner, though. I could have avoided all those years on the street if Ursula had just shown me the damn suicide note when she found it. You know, the one that said "Oh, and your real mm lives in Montauk."

Seduction. Have you ever seduced someone or has anyone ever seduced you?

Of course I've seduced someone! I've seduced lots of someones. In fact, I could seduce YOU right now. Yeah, that's right, I'm talking to you. If I wanted to, I could seduce your ass off!

But that's not really the question, is it? And since I have so many seductions to choose from, I'll tell you about the one that was the most fun. Which, ironically, didn't even end in sex. Not for me, at least. But we'll get to that later.

I tried to seduce Chandler once. It was all a game, because he and Monica were hiding the fact that they were doing it, and Rachel and I wanted to mess with them. I saw them from Ugly Naked Guy's apartment one day (and let me just say that's an image I will never be able to scrub out of my brain), and when I found out they'd been trying to hide it from everyone, I couldn't resist having a little fun. So while Rachel was giving Monica laundry (long story, and not as much fun as mine), I used my sexuality against Chandler. And boy, did I freak him out. Seriously, if I hadn't just seen him and Monica getting busy against her windows, I would have been even more convinced he was gay.

Anyway, I guess I laid it on too thick, because he realized I wouldn't be trying to seduce him without a motive other than wanting his body, and he figured out I knew about him and Monica. So instead of just coming out and telling me, he tried to beat me at my own game, and started trying to seduce me back. Ha! Poor guy, no one can beat me at that game. Well, maybe Joey. That man has some moves, let me tell you. But again, that's another story.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Chandler was trying to seduce me, too, but of course, as soon as he started flirting back, I knew something was up. He knew that I knew about him and Monica. But he didn't know that I KNEW that he knew! So I kept at it, really went for it. I even showed him my bra (thanks, Joey). I think at that point, he knew that I knew that he knew, and I knew that he knew that I knew, but we were both too stubborn to be the first to back off, so we kept going. Finally, he chickened out just as I was about to kiss him, and admitted that he was in love with Monica. Which was a total shock to me, to be honest. I just thought they were having sex! If I knew they were in love, I wouldn't have tried to seduce him like that! I never go after my friends' guys like that. Not while they're still dating them, at least.

So that ended the seduction, which was fine, because it was getting kind of weird and creepy, anyway. And Monica and Chandler were in love with each other, which was actually really sweet (and they probably had lots of hot monkey sex later on, but I'd really rather not think about that, okay?). Ross still didn't know, though, so we had to keep the secret a while longer, which I think just about broke poor Joey. He's never been very good with secrets.

What are you afraid of?

Snuffleupagus. Before PBS pissed me off, I used to love Sesame Street. I watched it every day, until my mother killed herself and my stepfather pawned our TV. But before then, I was a huge fan. I loved Big Bird, and I thought Snuffy was cool because he was Big Bird's imaginary friend. I had imaginary friends, too, so I could relate, you know? But then I found out later that they changed that and suddenly everyone could see Snuffy. That's just not right! Imaginary friends aren't supposed to become real. And if Snuffleupagus could just turn real like that, what did that mean for other imaginary friends? What if mine became real?

That's why he scares me. Not because I'm afraid of him, specifically, but what he represents. Because some of my imaginary friends were kind of scary, and I really wouldn't want them getting out of my head. Like Two-Headed Tony. I mean, one of his heads was okay, but the other was a real bastard. In fact, I'm pretty sure he killed Sally. I just never could prove it because his other head alibied him, and there was no way to get them apart and question them separately.

What event do you wish you could have been a "fly on the wall" for?

Oooh, that's a good one! Oh, there's lots of things I wish I could have seen like that. And how cool would it be to fly? I don't know about being an actual fly, though. They're kind of gross, and it makes me think of that movie... you know, the one with the guy? And don't they throw up every time they land? I think I heard that somewhere. I don't like to throw up, so that part wouldn't be very fun.

But anyway, if I don't have literally BE a fly, then there are a bunch of things I wouldn't mind witnessing. Not important historical events, cause I bet those are a lot more boring than you'd think. Sure, they're interesting now (well, some of them), but when they actually happened? Total snore-fest, I'm telling you. So I'd rather go back and see other things. Like that time Monica said someone broke into our apartment and stole the painting I'd put up. I've always suspected she just got rid of it because she thought it was ugly. but she swore there'd been a rash of art theft in the neighborhood. So I'd like to see that. Oh! And evolution! Is it possible to be a fly on the wall back where there weren't really any walls (were there even flies then?), to see something that might not have ever happened? Because I've never believed in evolution, but Ross insists it's real, and I'd love to be able to tell him he's wrong. He gets all red and flustery and it's really kind of fun to watch.

( Topic 202: Life )

( Topic 205: Camera )

Phoebe Buffay
Friends

Which food would you never even try to taste? What food will you never eat again?

I don't eat meat, so pretty much anything with a face fits into the "food I'd never try to taste" category. Sure, I've had it in the past. Before I made the decidsion to become a vegetarian, I ate it a lot. And when I was pregnant, the babies were craving it, so Joey stopped eating meat for me so I could eat his. That way, no extra animals had to die. It was all his idea, and I have to say, for Joey? It was pretty damn brilliant. He can be a smart guy sometimes. People really don't give him enough credit.

When I was homeless, I had to eat whatever I could get, so I got used to not being picky. And even now that I don't need ot eat that way, I really don't have anything (other than meat, of course) that I won't ever try. It's like life: I'll try anything once. Why wouldn't you? You're not living if you don't risk a little sometimes. And if you try something and it's gross? Then you know not to eat it again.

Like that trifle Rachel made one Thanksgiving. It was her first time really trying to cook, and she got the recipes mixed up, so she made it with beef. Which gave me a good excuse not to try it, but everyone else had to so they wouldn't hurt her feelings, and let me tell you, I felt sorry for them. I have a high tolerance for bad smells (what with all my years on the street), and even I had to admit that thing smelled like ass.

Joey seemed to like it, though.

( Topic 194: Vanish )

( Topic 196: One wish )

Where do you see yourself in twenty years?

Let's see, 20 years... that's 2027. That sounds weird, doesn't it? I know it's been the 2000s for 7 years now, but I'm still not used to it. I still hear 2027 and picture everything like the Jetsons. And maybe it will be. Maybe in 20 years, we'll all be flying around with jet packs and keeping robots as maids and living in floating houses. I think that would be cool, but I also think I'd miss nature if we all lived way up in the sky like that. And the ground. The ground is very underrated. Sure, it's dirty, but it's solid and it's what keeps gravity from pushing us all the way to China. Gravity can be a real bitch sometimes. I probably wouldn't miss that in my floating house.

Anyway, in 20 years, I'll be 60, which always seemed so old to me. It's kind of scary, knowing it's not that far away anymore. I don't really know where I'll be then. I like to take life as it comes, not plan it all out, but I think I'll probably be traveling then. I'll only have 5 years left to live, after all, so I'll be wanting to make the most of them. I'd like to see the world before I go, and hopefully by then they'll let me have a passport again.